As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
