it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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