Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
