I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
