I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
