apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize