I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
