I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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