you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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