I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
