Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
