My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
