I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
