I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
