Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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