Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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