there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
