I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
