We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Swine flu. Run for my life!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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