explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
