then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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