He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
