I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
