College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
