she fell through a window trying to flash someone
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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