It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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