Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
