Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
