My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
