I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
