a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
