mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
