This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
