I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
