can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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