so explain again why im purple
no
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
