I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
