i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
