32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize