we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
