I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
