dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
