Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
