he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
