My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
do herpes really smell.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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