do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
