making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
