I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
