Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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