There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
