and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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