so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
