We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize