When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
