does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
