I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
These tits shall not be calmed
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
