My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
