she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
