It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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