I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize