So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
