She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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