Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
