A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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