If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
