Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
