we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
