I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Terrible idea I love it
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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