If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
