idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Where did you get a picture of my penis
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
