it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
