i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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