I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
