so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Dicks are not precious.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
