the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
