mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
