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He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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